I was debating posting this.
Most of the time I post ALOT of my kids. haha. I love love love my kids. It's my life. my job. my calling. But I am having a very tough time. Going from 2-3 has been super hard for me. I have been blessed with an angel baby. Liam is the best baby!! I may hide it really well that I'm holding it together.. but I am not. I am so not.
Lately I've been feeling a little lost. I would wake up each day and do the same thing. But with my husband ALWAYS working and sleeping because we have opposite schedules and nursing all the time because Liam hates the bottle... I don't have much time for "me"
I like to stay in my bubble with talking to people. My only sense of reality is social media, but I hate how connected I am to it. Talking to a 4 1/2 yr old and almost 3 yr old isn't exactly exciting each and every day.
I love my family, they are so great and there for me. My oldest sister has to be #1 person I text thru out the day. & my mom is my go to for advice. I love how understanding and open minded she is when I come to her with my concerns and problems. Ive never felt close with my inlaws. And I have a handful of friends I talk to. So it feels so great to have them.
I love my husband, he is so loving, hardworking and adores his children. We have been together for 6 years & I must say the 6th year was the hardest. We are still figuring out this whole parenting/working/marriage thing. & going on dates is wonderful. He's been so great for me. He's been so understanding of my feelings and my hardships. I was just having such a hard time with "life" balancing everything. My moods, my energy... everything. Some days I'd wake up and just want to do absolutely nothing. Clean the house. nope. get the kids dressed. nope. shower. nope. nothing. I was really struggling.
I knew I had some sort of anxiety with how I was with things and having panic attacks. I thought that was it. I was so short fused. even towards my kids and husband sometimes and it killed me. I felt even more horrible.
So finally I decided to see someone and see what I could do.
in fact I have a mild of anxiety and more of depression. I had no idea! who knew you could have depression when you have such a great life. tmThe wonderful kids. The loving husband. A beautiful home.
But life is really hard sometimes. and sometimes you just feel so down and so in the dumps you really just want to do nothing. absolutely nothing.
Most days I'd wake up, feed the kids. give them their tablets. let them play with their toys. Just tend to their needs. hide and watch netflix and that was it.
Since going I've learned I need to do things for ME. just me. so I've spent money on myself. I get pretty for myself & husband. My husband agreed during the times he's working I can pay for a sitter and just go do stuff for ME. I am sooooo excited to just have 2 hrs a week to do whatever I want. kid free.
I am going to dinner with my best friend for the first time. and I am ecstatic.
I am trying to better myself for my family. Be happier for them. I wake up and with the holidays, just do things with the girls. we've watched the grinch together every. single. day. Made a Christmas craft. cookies. We have a count down and Alleah likes to do each day and asks what today is. My girls are so great. They like to fight. But their spirits and laughter really makes everything better.
I love my kids. and I love my job.
but sometimes you have to be happy who you are to do a better job.
It's still a new thing for me. And I have alot to learn.
But nobody knows what someone is really going thru.
